For Feli's sake
by killmeplx
Summary: Because Romano is a very considerate brother and does not want to kiss Antonio. Really. Spamano. Oneshot.


Just for the record, Romano _Hated_ Carnivals. Yes, with a capital "H" and italics, it was that bad. There was something about the noise, Hungary's not so subtle, kinda-really-scary-but-not-to-Romano-of-course attempts at matchmaking and the general weirdness that just put Romano _off._ Not to mention, the jail. Romano had been sent there _recurringly_ which was pretty weird considering the jail was created by jerky people like Arthur. Yeah, Romano totally didn't belong there.

And if those reasons weren't enough, there was his stupid little brother's stupid little Pasta and Pizza stall which collected the most stupid money every stupid year. It wasn't that Romano was jealous (Hell no, he was classier than that) but it was more of the fact that Feli didn't deserve the praise.

I mean, Romano could do it if ever _tried_ but, like he said, he hated carnivals and he was classy, damn it.

It totally had nothing to do with the fact that the last time he tried he had accidently burnt up the pizzas and had tripped and fallen on the stall which consequently had broken into an embarrassing amount of pieces…The wood had been old, okay?

So, Romano had generally nothing to do there. He was too manly for Russia's stuffed animal stall (Plus it was, RUSSIA), Feli was dumb, Sweden was too scary to approach, he knew he could do better than Francis and Felik's tacky beauty stalls, Charlotte was too busy playing music, he could strangle people himself just fine so Lukas' stall was redundant, Germany smelt like a German, he'd die before eating one of Alfred's greasy Pizzas and the rest were equally scary/stupid/useless.

But he bummed around there anyways, since he was bored.

"Your stall is freakin' stupid," Romano hissed at his brother.

"I know," Feli said cheerfully, not really registering his brother's words, "But looks like we'll have a hard time getting first. We have competition this year."

"Really?" Romano's eyes gleamed with a wicked kind of curiosity, the gears in his mind turning, "Who?"

Feli nodded as he mixed the sauce, "Big Brother Antonio's stall is _very_ popular."

" _The Tomato bastard's?!_ "

"Yup!" Feli sang happily, "His stall is right over…there. Roma?" Feli looked around helplessly before deciding Roma had left to find Antonio. He shrugged, getting back to the food. Oh, well. Roma had needed to get laid anyways.

Meanwhile, Romano was hurrying off to Antonio's stall. It just didn't make any sense. " _What could the tomato bastard do to get that much money –oh fu-"_

Romano's answer was given to him in the form of a crudely drawn sign:

 **"Kiss a Spaniard for a dollar**

 **You** **know** **you want to."**

And an absurdly long line of people.

Romano gagged on the air because it was so ridiculous. Who in their right mind would _kiss_ Antonio? It was so stupid that….g-god damn it!

Romano sighed, deciding that the world hated him. Either ways, he'd have to get people out of that line…because of Feli. Sure, he didn't want his brother to win, but he wanted Antonio to win even less. Especially with such dirty methods.

 **Attempt 1:**

"Ciao, Bellas," Romano cut in smoothly between two hot brunettes. Feli could cook and _maybe_ Antonio could be a somewhat decent kisser. Probably. But Lovino knew ladies and just how to interact with them which beat the happy-go-lucky duo in a heartbeat.

"H-hi, handsome," one of them tried to flirt back, awkwardly. Romano had to smirk handsomely at the cute attempt.

"I just thought I should give you some advice," Romano said casually, giving them the mister nice guy act, laying the Italian accent on _thick._

"Hm?"

Romano gestured towards Antonio's stall, "You guys are going there, right?"

"Right," insert girly giggle.

"Well, I wouldn't if I were you."

"Why?"

Romano opened his mouth.

But nothing came out. Honestly, he hadn't thought this far ahead.

"Well, um…because-he….because he's _Spanish."_

It wasn't long before Romano felt a sharp sting on his face. He pulled back, shocked, "Wha-," but then he saw the girl's outraged face. "You're racist!" she said before storming off with her friend.

 **Attempt 2:**

Once again, he'd use the "spreading rumors" tactic. No, he was not going over board. He just didn't want to see other people at Antonio's stall because that would mean he's get more money and if he got more money, then Feli wouldn't win and if Feli didn't win, he'd start sobbing and Romano would have to take care of him.

Romano nodded sagely, satisfied with his clever reasoning.

He tried with another pair of people, this time a girl and a boy. And _this time_ he was prepared.

"Why?" the boy asked, just as Romano knew he would.

"Because he's a bad kisser," Romano replied, nonchalantly shrugging.

"How do you know?" it was the girl who asked this time and her voice sounded disturbingly similar to Elizaveta's, "Have _you_ ever kissed him?"

"I – who the- what the- _excuse me?!"_

"Have you," the girl's grin was growing. Rapidly. Romano wanted to run, "ever _kissed_ him?"

Romano gaped, his mouth opening and closing. That image; of him and Antonio, _kissing,_ as in _lips touching, arms around each other, some form of mutual attraction._ Antonio, the _stupidly cheerful, Let's smile at everything even though everything sucks,_ Antonio and then _I don't do love (especially with guys)_ Lovino kissing. G.

The image was too much. Romano's face burned and he actually chocked on air. His only words?

"I-I'm NOT _GAY!_ "

And that earned him a slap, yet again. Romano _really_ needed to reconsider his life choices.

 **Attempt 3:**

This attempt was downright _weird._

 _And_ , Romano thought as he fixed his mustache, _somewhat degrading._

But also ingenious. Like I said, Romano could do anything if he wanted to and he wanted to ** _not_** see Antonio kissing a bunch of random people…. Because then Feli would lose.

As subtly as he could, Romano entered the wretched line again, only this time he wasn't going to talk to anyone. And his clothes had changed. He had switched out his fashionable Armani shirt with a suspicious looking trench coat and fredora he had "borrowed" from one of his mafia friends, a pair of bulky sunglasses sat on the bridge of his nose and, worst yet, a fake mustache had been stuck right under it.

Romano was _very_ good at disguises.

All that was left now, was to pretend to kiss Antonio (sacrifices must be made) and then pretend to throw up because of how bad the kiss was (Romano didn't think he'd need to act much at that point).

 _For Feli_ , Romano reminded himself fiercely as the line grew dreadfully short. He spied on the casual Antonio who was giving kisses as freely as if they were smiles. Romano grimaced, _that bugger better be grateful._

He broke out into a cold sweat when he was three people away. Perhaps he could weasel out of the line somehow? He never really liked his brother anyways-

But it was far too late. With a worried "chigi", Romano was pushed to the front of the stall, falling forward onto it.

"Do you need help?" came Antonio's unsure voice.

Romano fumbled both with words and his footing, " 'm fine. I'm here for uh… for um…"

Antonio's smile turned amused at the awkward customer. "A kiss?" he supplied.

A heavy glare was pointed at the Spainard. Damn the tomato bastard and his stupid face, he wouldn't look so smug when Romano was done with him. "Yes," Romano gritted out, slapping the money down on the makeshift counter, "A kiss."

Antonio smiled brightly at the annoyed Italian. Despite his …unorthodox clothes and short temper, Antonio quickly decided he liked him. Maybe it was the way the man was so bashful about the situation? It was only a kiss, after all. Either way, there was something familiar about his attitude…And was that a curl protruding from his hair? It looked a lot like-

"Are you going to just stand there, staring, or are you going to do something?" Romano said rudely.

Antonio was snapped out of his daze, his grin widening at the sudden realization. "Oh, I will!" Antonio chirped, especially enthusiastic now.

Romano muttered grumpily, "About time…"

And then the weight of what was happening hit Romano on full force when Antonio put his arm around him, "M-maybe this isn't such a good idea…"

Antonio brought Romano closer, "Sorry, no refunds, but trust me, you won't want it."

And that was how Romano lost his first kiss. And his second. And his third. Even though Romano ended up not throwing up, the people in the line ended up dispersing anyway when certain _noises_ came into the picture. Some stayed back to watch- actually, most did.

Romano also ended up being Antonio's last and best customer, despite the fact that he only payed one dollar.

"You can pay me back in kisses later," Antonio had insisted.

So now Romano was in debt. He was cool with that.

Remember people, it had all been for Feliciano.

* * *

 _A/N: There are times when people do things on a whim. This is one of those times._

 _Enjoy, read, review, favorite._


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